2 Timothy 1:7

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

1 Corinthians 13:4-13
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

But where there are prophecies, they will cease;
where there are tongues, they will be stilled;
where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.
When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face.
Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.
But the greatest of these is love.

HAHAHA, mr bo just got me bursting into laughter..

this is wad he said about me.

"u know, it feels like. u just snatched the basketball from ur enemy, but ran towards ur own basket and slam dunked it."

i'm laughing, laughing real hard. AT MYSELF. FULL STOP.

god dammit, 985, first time i opted to stop at kim keat instead of opposite mm's place. and guess wad? i met a robber. god, isn't my life all so exciting?

an account of what happened:
i was walking towards wearnes, and as i passed by the street soccer court, someone came from behind and kind of choke me, wrapping his arm around my neck and shouting "gimme ur money, gimme ur money".. i swear i was so shocked i think my heart skipped a beat.. instinctively, i fell a little sideways and backwards, so we were both on the ground, den i reached for the back and poked his eyes with my thumbs, when he let go of me i stood up, kicked him dunno in the chest or stomach, somewhere around that region.. AND I FUCKING RAN..

haha, people would think i'm carrying alot of valuables, but when i think of it, i'm quite cheap eh? i attempted to run away for 69 dollars, some cards, ezlink with 12 dollars, 1 ipod and 1 hp.. if anything untoward happened to me, it would be because i tried to defend myself for all those material items.. now i'm thinking of making a police report, but i wasn't calm enough to even look at how his appearance was? they should just install lights over that area la..

anyway, no next time, i shall be stopping at mm's bus stop instead..

lol i've just read this seriously funny fmylife posting.. it says:

Today was my birthday. After hinting almost 2 months for a Wii, my dad pulls out a shiny new Wii Package. The only problem? The box didn't have a Wii in it. My dad gave me a Wii box with my VCR inside and a note saying "This is life. Once you think you're happy, someone crushes it". FML.

and i happily clicked "I agree, your life is f***ed" bringing the current count to (32666) while "you deserved that one" is at (2145)

haha, it's fucking funny wad kind of shit happens to pple out there.

hahaha, my op ended around 1245pm today, and today's anesthetic was really strong, even my ears and eyelids felt numb.. so i happily slacked, read newspaper and blogged, THINKING i had porridge waiting for me so i could just eat later as i waited for the bleeding to stop.. however, man proposes, god disposes.. it wasn't porridge, it was rice. i couldn't chew. fml.

as the anesthetic wore off, the pain was really killing me, so out of desperation, i wanted to have campbell's soup for lunch. here comes another fml posting. they changed a can opener, and i fucking dont know how to use this, i ended up denting the can on 3 sides before i finally got it to open. can't they just get the old school one that u lock on to the side and keep turning?

so, the soup was cooked, and yet i couldn't drink it cuz it was too hot. turned on the fan and while waiting for it to cool off, my lower gum hurt real bad, and it was only then i found out that i actually have stitches up to my cheek, no wonder it hurts much more than the other time.. so i didn't wait for food before taking the pain killers.
god dammit, another lesson learnt,
IT TAKES TIME TO TAKE EFFECT..
and another lesson learnt,
TAKING ANOTHER 2 DOESN'T MAKE IT ANY FASTER!

lol so u can imagine me lying on the sofa, squeezing the cushion trying to ease my pain.. phew.. after that 20 mins, it finally subsided and i had my soup, watched a bit of tv, and slept till 8pm.. subsequently everything was tv and tv.. damn, my face is swollen again, why?

apparently i couldn't stop typing, so here's the balance..

“Better results are like butterflies. If you chase them, you can exhaust yourself and the results may escape you.”
“but how do you get better results if you don’t go after them?”
“focus on the real need, inform yourself of your options, and think each option through. Then let the better results come more easily to you.”



“have you ever been disappointed with one of your better decisions?”
“not with one of my BETTER decisions,”
“think about it, have you ever regretted something about your better decisions?”
“the only regret about making a better decision is that I didn’t make it sooner”
“EXACTLY!”


Simple vs Simplistic
Simplistic is less than what is needed.
A simplistic answer is an illusion.
Simple is all that is needed and nothing more.


“Questions are like alarm clocks. Questions wake us up.”
“to what?”
“to reality—to what is really going on around us and within us”


“what’s the real difference, between effective and ineffective decisions?”
“Our ineffective decisions are based on illusions we believe at the time. Our effective decisions are built on realities we recognize. That is why it is useful to ask ourselves probing questions to help us distinguish illusion from reality.”



Truth VS Reality, Integrity VS Honesty
‘Reality’ is whatever really is.
‘Truth is a description of reality – mine or somebody else’s

‘Integrity’ is telling myself the truth.
‘Honesty’ is telling the truth to other people.



My poor decisions were based on illusions I believed at the time.
My better decisions are based on realities I recognize in time.
The sooner I see the truth, the sooner I make a better decision.
To find the truth, I look for it.
The better decision is based on the simple answer as it eventually becomes the obvious answer.
To discover the truth, I look for the fiction I want to believe is true, but cannot really count on.
We see each other’s mistakes more easily, so I often park my ego & ask others what they can see and then I notice what really feels true to me.

Have I looked closely enough at my past decisions to learn from them?
Have I done a reality check by observing what is really going on around me and within me?
Have I noticed the obvious?
Do I see the truth?
Am I telling myself the truth?

I consult my heart by asking myself a private question:
Does my decision show I am honest with myself, trust my intuition and deserve better?



Complex VS Complicated
Complex means there are many parts to the problem.
Complicated means you cannot distinguish one part from the other.



“The feeling of fear seems complicated until you take it apart. For example, name something you’re afraid of.”
“I’m afraid of flying.”
“Take that apart. Are you afraid of flying or are you afraid of crashing?”
“I’m afraid of crashing.”
“Of course. All fear is of the future. We are not afraid of being ON a narrow cliff, but of falling OFF the cliff—sometime in the immediate future.”



“I remember my best friend’s marriage. He wasn’t sure he loved his girlfriend, but he married her because he was afraid if he didn’t he’d lose her and maybe he’d never find anybody as good again.”
“how has it worked out?”
“he’s divorced”


well, it's really in bits and pieces now that i extracted parts of it from the book. if there's a chance u guys should really read through it, easy read, only around 100 pages.. now, what's next?

now, 2 weeks ago, i borrowed from the library this book titled "yes or no" writted by DR. Spencer Johnson, the same author who wrote the book "who moved my cheese?" i really dont know wad to say about his book. imagine hitting a nail on the head, EVERY page. ouch.

ok this book is about a story of this young man taking a hike, and finding out what exactly made people make bad decisions. the whole book is so meaningful, i swear almost every page had something i could quote from.. anyway, here are some really interesting ones i feel...


Chapter 1: a reliable system.
The guide said, "If you stop a poor decision and create a void, you can fill it with something better."
The young man said, "But i'm afraid that if I give up what I have, I won't find anything better."
"We are all afraid of that," the guide said. "It takes courage to let go of what is familiar and comfortable. But in reality, it is actually a safer and more reliable way to get better results."
"The ancient Chinese had an expression for this wisdom. 'If you want a hot cup of tea, you must first empty your cup.'"



I avoid indecision and half-decisions based on half-truths.
I use both parts of a reliable system to consistently make better decisions:
a cool head and a warm heart.
I USE MY HEAD by asking a practical question
and
I CONSULT MY HEART by asking myself a private question.
Then after I listen to myself and others, I make a better decision and act on it.


Meeting the Real Need: A Summary
Pursuing only the real need in the very beginning gets me better results in the end.
This means both SEEING a vision of needed results in such real detail that I sense myself already achieving them, & then DOING only what meets the real need.
Wants are wishes. Needs are necessities.
Needs are essential for success and fulfillment.
To see what I merely want, I ask, "What do I want to do now?"
To see what I really needed, I ask "What would I like to have done?"
What do I really need from this decision? For me and for others to feel successful & fulfilled?
Is my vision clearly focused on the needed results?
Am I saying "Yes" to only what meets the real need, and "No" to everything else?
Am I meeting the real need?
I use my head by asking myself a practical question:
Am I meeting the real need, informing myself of options, and thinking it through?

Chapter 2: Informed Options
"Fear fogs our vision"

a short story:
"last year, one of the hikers told me that his work suffered greatly after his divorce.He thought he was still in love with his ex-wife, but she was no longer interested in him. He didn't know what to do. He could not eat. He could not sleep."
"was he in love with her?"
"i don't know. But from the way he said he treated her, he did not sound very loving. Nonetheless, he believed that his only chance of being happy and productive again was to be reunited with her. Since that was not possible, he became depressed. Then something interesting happened. He became aware of his options."
"How did this happen?"
"He said a close friend asked him questions that helped him paint mental pictures of his real options. He was asked, 'when you were married, were you and your wife happy?' the man answered, 'no.' do you think you and your wife have changed that much? he answered 'no.' then he was asked 'what leads you to believe you would really be happy with her if you were together now?' would it not be better to improve your attitude and then meet a woman who is more compatible with you?'



ok i'll continue the rest some other time, it's a lot of typing! ahhaha, anyway, i'm so excited at the prospect that i'll be removing my braces soon, cuz i told dr chua about the france trip and she said by hook or by crook will get it removed before i leave, which also means i'll have to be going down to the dentist once every fortnight.. hahaha finally, i wont have to change toothbrush so often!! =D

always the wingman, never the flight lead.

u know one thing i fucking hate? i hate it when they put things in my room and say "put there first, no space."

the problem is, they dont fucking remove it after awhile, and it becomes a permanent fixture in my room. fuck. 3/4 of the things in my cupboards and drawers do not belong to me. it's like wtf? which part of my BEDroom looks like a STOREroom? i cannot imagine what they'll do to my room when i'm away for 18 months.. god dammit.. breathe in, breathe out... breathe innnnnn, breathe outtttt ok i'm feeling better already..

"make a statement when you're angry, and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret."

this was a quote i read in sec 2/3 and i've never forgotten about it.

lemme emo a little bit now, since i can't even open my mouth halfway without feeling pain.. k, i just suddenly remembered the early days in ocs, where we used to sing this song in the morning when we had our runs.. part of the lyrics went something like this:

"someday you'll be all alone, all alone in the combat zone,
bullets flying all around, better keep your head still down"

haha, i wonder how the guys are doing now, should be in pro term already.. damn, it was tough, but it was so fun with all the peeps around, pple like teck heng, xavier, melvin.. argh. bring back those times, without the officers of cuz =P

now, song that's been stuck in my head all day.. only listened to it once yesterday when my playlist auto shuffled to it. after that i didnt even listen to my ipod cuz it's flat and i didn't bother to charge it..


"That's Why (you go away)"
Baby won´t you tell me why there is sadness in your eyes
I don´t wanna say goodbye to you
Love is one big illusion I should try to forget
but there is something left in my head

You´re the one who set it up now you´re the one to make it stop
I´m the one who´s feeling lost right now
Now you want me to forget every little thing you said
but there is something left in my head

I won´t forget the way you´re kissing
The feeling´s so strong were lasting for so long
But I´m not the man your heart is missing
That´s why you go away i know

You were never satisfied no matter how I tried
now you wanna say goodbye to me
Love is one big illusion I should try to forget
but there is something left in my head

I won´t forget the way you´re kissing
The feeling´s so strong were lasting for so long
But I´m not the man your heart is missing
That´s why you go away i know

Sitting here all alone in the middle of nowhere
Don´t know which way to go
There ain´t so much to say now between us
There ain´t so much for you
There aint´t so much for me anymore

hmm, it's amazing how old that song is, and yet it still stays in people's hearts.. well, good things aren't afraid to go thru the test of time i would say?

my god, the pain from the extraction of my wisdom teeth is really killing me.. and i can't take the pain killers till i've had food, and i have no food! the bleeding just ain't stopping.. fml. pple get 8 days mc, i only get 5.. and i took the crowded mrt back home alone, doesn't that feeling suck?

lol, seems that the winds stopped earlier than what was forecasted.. change in METAR received.. winds are now calm.. now u regret.. haha!

on first impression, my day sucked.. it didn't start well at all, i dunno how i could forget something as important as that.. i dunno why i dragged and dragged in the morning, and i reached camp late.. 2 mins, still, i was late.. den i had a clash with our favourite "bro" over there.. i was too tired, it was just a small clash, and i gave him a flat reply..
then, i got arrowed to do admin work, for the whole day! god dammit.. i was working when my frens were slping! followed by getting scolded for using the photocopier cuz i was doing it in bulk.. lame shit, and this month's schedule is confirmed, i'm doing a total of 4 duties. rant rant rant rant rant

ok enough of grumbling.. but just think it's strange how things can go wrong all at one go.. probably this is wad they call a rough patch?

i have no idea whether the string is broken, i have no idea whether it will break, the only thing i'm clear of is the wind will be calming down, and the kite might not stay airborne.. fly it for the last few moments, fly it well..

i thought i never had to apologise again. but i still did. i'm sorry.

really good quotes from the movie "ghost of girlfriends past"

"You've got to risk love Sandra! I didn't and look at me, I'm a lonely ghost of a man. It doesn't mean that you're never going to get hurt but the pain you feel will never compare to the regret that comes from walking away from love."

“Someone once told me that the power in all relationships lies with whoever cares less, and he was right. But power isn’t happiness, and I think that maybe happiness comes from caring more about people rather than less…”

maybe that's why pple are happier when they are together with someone they love rather than someone who loves them?

i'm frustrated.. my right knee is fucked up.. just came back from an 8km run, and it was done at a reasonably slow pace, about 1km every 5 mins?

an internal conversation between the brain and my knee at almost 4km:
knee says: "hey man, i'm aching real bad"
brain says: "f you man, you're weak, i'm dehydrated and i'm not even complaining"
knee says: "com'on man, u gotta lemme rest..."
brain says: "f you, you're weak, press on so i can get my ippt gold.."
knee says: "if u insist.."

and now,
brain says: "hey knee, you're making me feel real bad, it's really painful"
knee says: "i told you so. now fuck you."

now the brain is upset with the knee, and the knee is refusing to work. who suffers from all this shit that the body gives?

me. fuck it.

i've got a pretty bad headache, and i can't slp anymore.. i'm just wasting my lovely saturday morning! god dammit.

haha, i took ippt again yesterday, and i'll be taking again next wednesday. god damn it, nowadays it feels like buying 4d, just go try luck.. the only problem i'm having is at my 2.4km run, and apparently finishing 3rd out of the pack was still not enough to get my ippt gold. i was 20m away from the finishing line when my watch showed the dreaded 9:44 and i stopped immediately.. even the pti was shocked and said "u run so fast but u go and stop there?" haha, nobody can understand the disappointment.

well, i only have myself to blame, who ask me dowan to train for it? i'm not too far off the gold mark actually, just that i can't get it anytime i want now.. a few months ago, i could say "anytime man" and make sure i really could do it.. now? fat pig!

the striker decided to take one last shot at goal before going off for a break. can he score a goal? even if he did, he'd still have to go for the break. it's all part of the rules. he would love to stay there and kick the ball around all day, but that's not the way things happen.

haha, it's not that difficult right? at least, i only got caught once tonight.. as for now, it's time to turn on the "man" mode and wait for things to happen instead of making things happen. not too bad for a change. let's just wait and see.

Baby, baby
I get down on my knees for you
If you would only love me like you used to do
We had a love
A love, a love you don't find every day
So don't, don't, don't let it slip away

Bring back that loving feeling
Oh, that loving feeling
Bring back that loving feeling

from the same old song, "she's lost that lovin' feeling"

let's see, this has been a long and tiring week for all of us, but i could do this indefinitely.

hmm, what will i be in 3-5 years time? after that? =)

i didn't mean to upset anybody and i know i'm asking the wrong person for answers. i would like to ask the right person, maybe i would do so.. roughly 2 more wks?

Because I Fly
by: Brian Shul
Copyright © 1977

Because I fly
I laugh more than other men.
I look up and see more than they.
I know how the clouds feel,
What it's like to have the blue in my lap,
To look down on birds,
To feel freedom in a thing called the stick ...

Who but I can slice between God's billowed legs,
and feel then laugh and crash with His step?
Who else has seen the unlimbed peaks?
The rainbow's secret?
The real reason birds sing?

Because I Fly,
I envy no man on earth.

what's more important than flying?

lol i just did this thing on facebook and this is wad it says, based on my birthdate.. i dont know how much truth there is but i think it's quite accurate about certain things eh?

You were born on 14th day of July 1988, Thursday.

Your Life : You are so confident that sometimes you forget about the people around you. If you have to be in one of the two teams, you will choose to be in the winning team. On the other hand, you are kind and caring but above all, you care for your own benefits. Your imagination is unique and often gets implemented shortly after it comes across.

Your Love : You will not get soft with the one you don't really like, no matter how hard he/she tries. But once you feel for someone you have chosen, there's no getting back.


i feel that i'm walking on ice, no doubt it's scary, but it's all worth it if i could get to the other side of the river, instead of just watching from the other side.. if i dont get there, at least i've tried..

i suddenly thought of this question i asked back then.
"why do all the fighter pilots seem to have an aura of arrogance and power around them?"

the reply i got from an f16 pilot was "because they've got to have that self-belief that they are the best at what they do, of cuz u have to live up to it and make sure u can actually do what u say!"

i think right now, i'm behaving like part of the fighter community, i have the self belief that i can do this to the best, and i will make sure i'll do what i say..

in actual fact, i'm surprised about the plans i've made for myself subconsciously before. it isn't the case that i have no plans. it's just that everything was shelved away, and i seemed as though i had no plans. it was only because i didn't want to make new plans.

the joy experienced would definitely be more than the fatigue and uncertainty that we go through.

it's been an energetic day, i can't explain.. swam a few laps, soaked in the pool, gym-ed, back home and i went for a good run with a little static exercises.. perhaps this is due to me walking a different route home just now, and it's given me a little time to think about things.. it's nice how i can take a step back and appreciate the situation around me, good or bad, it all depends on how u look at it..

i remember this question posed to someone, it was something like this. "A" made an huge investment for some R&D, it turns out that the huge amount of money spent was not enough, and they might not be able to get the product at the end of the day. now the question is whether "A" made the right decision? was it a sound investment?

spend some time thinking about it before reading the answer below..


the answer to that question is, the decision was right. based on present day's situation, looking back, that decision may have been a totally wrong one, but based on that period's situation and everything put together, it was deemed to be a right choice.

takeaway from this question would be:
sometimes, u have to make difficult decisions.
and when that happens, u need to analyze the situation, appreciate the setting around.
then, you'll make a decision, believing that it's the best for the time being.
after u made the decision, LIVE BY IT.
only time will tell whether it was a right or wrong decision. what is important to know is that u are the one making the decision, and u'll have to live by that decision.

hopefully we can all make the right decisions.

and some fml joke from myself.

today, when i was in the pool, jonathan said "later calvin yap scold" and i conveniently asked, "who's calvin yap?" and he replied "ur father lah!" and i stoned for another 30 seconds before realizing that calvin yap is my dad. FML.

i'm pleasantly surprised by the outcome, and if this was a test i think i'd scored pretty well for it..

maybe it wasn't a lost cause afterall.

if only everyday was like last weekend.. i'd have to say it's the best well spent and enjoyable 50 hours of my life..

if u had one wish that lasted a day, what would that be?
if we could turn back time, would things change?
if we could only be more truthful to ourselves.

it takes courage to be less diplomatic, and i guess maybe i didn't have it at the time when i said something. if only i have the courage to be as blunt and tactless. if only i said wad i meant, and meant wad i said. maybe i wouldn't have bombed the trail to the gold, just like in a game of saboteur. lol.

so this is a question on my facebook, what's being morally right?
could i base my arguments for this case on the grey areas alone?